Just Fail
Now you might have just stumbled on this post and seen the title being JUST FAIL. Now your scratching your heads and thinking - well if this blog is about becoming the higher version of yourself or being a high achiever then why are you telling us to fail?
my reply is - good question so let's start from scratch.
Since we were children we have been bombarded with perfection is what we should be aiming for.
We must not fail the maths test.
We must not get into trouble.
We must not come second or last place in sports day.
We must not have any creases in our clothes.
You have to be the best at whatever it is you do.
Failing is bad.
If your not perfect then your a failure.
If you don't aim for perfection then you have wasted your time and you have failed yourself.
Before I go any further I have a few questions of my own.
In school why do we have to wear uniforms? why can't we just wear our casual clothes? if it is for safety then why not just give everyone the option to either wear uniform or wear a lanyard because I feel that most people would rather wear a lanyard and wear their casual clothes then have to wear the same outfit everyday.
I mean lets face it nobody wants to wear a full on suit in boiling hot summertime.
Ok some schools are fine with children wearing polo shirts but there are some schools that are strict.
For instance when I was in secondary school we had to wear smart black trousers, black leather shoes, a shirt with a tie, a jumper and even a blazer even in the summertime when everyone was sweating that was our uniform and it was mandatory and if you was seen taking your blazer off or loosening your tie that would be a disciplinary.
I mean outrageous right? on one side we had students but mainly teachers telling us it was for our safety and on the other side we had students and some parents telling it was to make the school look better and professional.
Then they make all the kids attend picture day.
What about the children who are shy or they have anxiety, autism and panic attacks.
Nope they are told it is mandatory and if they do not comply then they would be disciplined and then they send us a bill for the photos 😕
Nobody is perfect and if everyone was perfect then there would be no purpose to be alive right?
We should all strive for continuous improvement instead of perfection.
Someone once told me that to achieve self mastery it takes a whole lifetime and that is so true.
If we was perfect then how will we learn, develop and grow?
How will we upgrade ourselves?
Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying we all should not try, I am saying the complete opposite.
Did you know many businessmen, businesswomen, CEO's and entrepreneurs fail many times before they succeed and become wealthy.
Take for instance Dan Lok he failed 13 businesses before he found success.
Can you imagine how much time, planning, investment had gone into all of his businesses? but did he give up? NO because like us Chilled Cat's he is an high achiever and he knew that he would succeed.
So he failed many times and took away data, information from his fails then he created a bulletproof gameplan.
That is like anything in life you have to fail and get used to failing, and once you start failing don't view them as setbacks view them as lessons and take parts and learn from the mistakes you made and do what Dan Lok did and create a bulletproof gameplan.
Now I'm not talking just about business, I am talking about anything you desire in life, any goals you have.
I'm going to tell you a story about my old friend Jake.
Now Jake was what we call an extrovert.
He was always the loudest in the group, always trying to impress everyone and he liked to think of himself as the Alpha, much to the point where he was talking to his friends saying that he could get any woman he wants and he could take any mans woman easily.
Yeah we all know someone like this douchebag right 🤣
Anyway he made us a bet that in 30 minutes he would get himself a girl or woman if you like, I was 18 at this point.
So we agreed, we went out with him and he was calling out woman like - Oi girl, nice pants but they would look better on my bedroom floor!
Yo you know you have a nice ass, take my number.
You know I've got loads of money, lets go back to mine.
Even going to the point of calling out the women who was walking with their partners and offering to spark them differently now in English this means try me I will beat you up.
You know basically being a twonk about this and how he was acting sheer desperation and if we could see the desperation then no doubt these women could too!
So now that Jake had got rejected many times we all laughed at him, his ego was busted and he didn't know what else to do.
Now his sister heard of this as one the women he had tried was one of her friends and our friend Michael had also told her how he's being acting, and how he speaks about women as Michael had a mad crush on Jake's sister.
So she had decided, dude you need to change, so she spent about a couple of weeks teaching him about the female mind, what turns women on and what doesn't.
Jake then started to work on himself then two months later he had went to town with his sister and he was trying to get himself a lovely woman and his sister was nearby being if you like a wing-woman 🤣
The story goes he just started speaking to a few nice woman, he was really charming apparently and no hint of desperation and asked them for their numbers or if they would like to hang out he got rejected 5 times.
Then he decided to speak to a woman who was wearing a Deadpool hoodie and, knowing that she was wearing Deadpool on her hoodie that would be a great conversation starter and they spoke for ages, laughed too and he did not even ask for her number she just said here's my number WhatsApp Me.
Now when I asked Jake about this and I asked him - dude if you got rejected 5 times already why would you think the 6th woman would say yes? His reply was - well I was testing different things out in speaking to the first few women, I knew what to say to make them laugh and I was able to pickup on their body language but I had to ask for their numbers to see if I was on the right track.
Then when I had spotted the woman with the Deadpool hoodie I was so happy that not just someone else but a woman has the same interest as me so I just had to go and speak to her to find out what she likes most about Deadpool and I told her a few funny moments that happened to me and then just as I was saying bye and have a lovely day she just handed me her phone number.
So there you have it Jake needed to learn from his mistakes and failings and through the learning he found the woman who was right for him.
Failing = Learning
If we don't try then we wont fail and in return we wont learn from our mistakes.
There is a quote from Albert Einstein and it goes like this - Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
I love this quote because we do indeed need to try new things, in theory we all are developers.
We are developers of our own lives and just like webpages, servers and AI we need to upgrade, crash, reset and restart.
For all of you thinking right now - you cannot put a human and a computer on the same level and you are completely right the human mind is 1000% more advanced and complex then a computer but this is how I explained it for simplicity.
Failing is part of life and where most of us are scared to fail alone and we 100% do not want to fail Infront of others.
We should embrace failing, we should tell ourselves its ok to fail because the other side of failing is succeeding.
Now we will talk about why we should embrace failing Infront of our children.
Now our children look up to us for guidance, and 9 times out of 10 they will never admit wanting to be like you or copying certain things you do.
Take this scenario - something happens to you Infront of your children say perhaps you start your own business and then it fails so you have to get rid.
now idea 1 = You get mad and swear and freak out
This is the thing most of us would end up doing but remember the children will take on board how you have delt with it and then their is a strong chance that when something bad happens to them they might act in the same way.
now idea 2 = You take the his and think man.. I worked so hard on that but its time to take the lessons of the failures and reinvest it into something else. Again they will have seen how you have delt with this setback and they might show signs of resilience.
Now before we go any further idea 1 is not that bad because it is important for our children to see how we deal with failures and setbacks.
They know we are not GOD and loosing your head man it happens.
We all have thrown a tantrum from time to time but its how you can recover from that and turn that negative situation into a positive one.
Our children love us just as much as we love them and they get that sometimes bad things can happen in life and sometimes life can get difficult and hard, they have seen us on our bad days, they have seen us on our good days and if you can stay calm in the face of stress they will look up to you for that and they indeed will be proud too.
Instead of telling our children to be perfect or to aim for perfection we should encourage them to try many different things as failure can indeed teach you a lot and failure is a great character builder.
Play a fighting game with them and when you loose step1 - be cheerful, show them there is no hard feelings and even compliment them on their part.
Play something competitive like sports, video games, maths test or anything they find fun and when you loose then repeat step 1.
Most children will get rage when they loose on a computer game or anything competitive trust me I know the amount of ps1 and ps2 controllers I had destroyed because of a wrestling game was diabolical 🤣.
However in showing them that its ok to loose, just laugh it off and learn from it and do something different next time but do not be a sore loser.
Now this simple trick that can be done at home will in fact help them conquer some tough situations in the real world.
Examples like playing sorts with friends or school pupils | work collages
School | work tests, quizzes,
Now rejection too as this is common we all experience from rejection from a potential crush to rejection from a job interview.
Rejection is a part of life so rather then being salty about it, just handle it like a champ and move on.
Yes we all feel awkward when we get rejected but rejection is not forever, if you get a red face 🥵 from embarrassment then just crack a joke, laugh it off, be polite and let it pass.
It is also important for our children to see how we deal with rejection.
As an example say there was job you applied for and you really wanted that job and the tell you you have not got the job.
Are you then going to cry into your packet of sweets and feel sorry for yourself? hell no! you're going to say well they didn't accept my application and crack a joke saying something like - they just don't know how much they really need me haha but I wish them all the best.
