How to deal with liars | negative people
Have you been a victim of certain people lying about you? or maybe you have had someone tell you that you should give up and not to strive for greatness? and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Continue reading to find out my tips and tricks for activating god mode in these situations.
So Let's start with lying.
Fist step to not becoming a victim of peoples lies is to not be a victim.
Now you might be scratching your heads now thinking huh? what? -- well so let me explain my theory.
The person who lies becomes the victim of their own lies.
Why? because when you start telling one lie you have to tell more and then it becomes harder to stop.
Take the typical school scenario where one pupil tells another pupil that you want to fight them when you did not suggest a thing.
So somebody lied to get you hurt only for their amusement.
How would we stop this from happening? Well what has been said has already been said however you could go to the pupil that has been told the lie and defuse the situation by saying something like this.. Hey John Doe I have heard that Joe Bloggs said this about me and I would like this chance to tell you that that is not what Said and I do not want us to fall out. Something as simple as that I mean in school it can be tough because if you get a real tough cookie that will look for any excuse for a fight it can prove to be a challenge to defuse the situation but in even trying to defuse the situation you have acted in kindness and generosity and others will admire your zen.
Another scenario would be someone lying about you because of jealousy.
How do I mean? well suppose someone is jealous of what you have achieved or trying to achieve or perhaps their crush likes you more then them so they may feel the need to lie to others about you and try to make out that you are a horrible person and tell others stories that make them go OH! No Way! 😮
Now this is most common you will see in the world as this is known from work colleagues, school pupils, college friends, friends in general and even in families.
So how do we counter this? so the best method I find is let them carry on.
You may be thinking nah sod that! I am not letting people talk dirty about me and not defend myself!
My response is what will you do? every time you hear them on the phone lying about you just take their phone off them and say nope he/she is lying! because that will just convince the people that the Liar is right. Maybe you will go around every person that they spoke to and try to convince them otherwise? not a good idea because that screams needy and a lot of people use needy people to their advantage.
So the best thing you can do is just let them carry on and you carry on being great and doing whatever makes you happy as in time the people who have been lied to about you will admire you and see for themselves that your not as bad as the person said you are.
Meanwhile the person who lied about you will become labelled as a liar, a jealous person and and insecure individual and people wont trust their word.
Now we go to a work place lying because this is common for instance you may be working with someone that doesn't like you for many reasons but jealousy is most common.
Perhaps the person lied to the boss about you doing something when you didn't do it.
The best cause of action is to tackle the problem head on because this is your place of work, this is your means for income, paying your bills and putting food on the table.
If you say nothing and just keep quiet when all this person is doing is lying about you trying their hardest to get you fired you are going to start hating where you work and this could potentially lead to panic attacks and anxiety.
Now I'm not saying have a go at the person and get angry but the best cause of action would be to speak the the person who is lying and just defuse or try to defuse the situation, try to figure out why they do not like you, you could say hey Joe Bloggs I feel like there is some tension between us and I want us to get along because were a team and it will be hard for us to be the best if we fall out. So if I am doing anything that upsets you then please let me know and I will try my best to change it.
Now this is great! because No1. You didn't fall into their trap because if you would of had a go at them and got angry then they could tell the boss you threatened them and 9 times out of 10 they would have proof from other colleagues who heard it.
No2. You have shown the initiative to speak to them and get this problem ironed out and again other collages and the boss will have noticed this.
No3. You have told them that they are a great asset to the team and that you need them just as much as they need you.
Just try it and see what happens.
Now I will share one of my stories with you.
So one time I worked at subway and their was one colleague who seemed like he hated my guts for the respect of the person I shall call him Pickle.
So this person had the hots for my partner and as she left subway I started. Now the first two weeks of being there I has numerous of collages telling me Pickle doesn't like you and he doesn't want you to work here.
I was like I've been here for two weeks and you can see my work ethic I've not even met Pickle how can he not like me?
So on the third week I had met Pickle and spoke to him and he seemed like a chill guy, 5 weeks in and he's walking past me swearing about me under his breath, telling the boss stories about me.
6 Weeks in I have the manager from the pub coming in and telling me that Pickle is trying to get me fired as he is always going to the pub after work and complaining about me and telling people things that aren't true.
I decided to speak to him to clear the air and the response I got back was... I don't want to speak to you.
Ok?? .. bit harsh so I thought ok I shall give him some space and prove that I am a hard worker so I set myself the goal to be the fastest worker there and the most efficient hoping that would make the guy happy and show me a bit more respect and did it? No.
So the 10th week my work ethic was fine tuned and my target was to serve customer, make sub and finish the order in under 2 minutes I was like banging 😁 right! There is no way this guy could still hate me wow I was wrong the then decided to go around telling people I was trying to show him up because I think I'm faster then him.
Half a year later I'm still in the job having mini panic attacks before going in thinking that all I am going to get is abuse.
People that were there before had left and I was to train some new staff that I got on really well with them. Then after my day off I would come in to the new staff hating me and being mean and I just couldn't understand why.
Luckily for me one of the newcomers he had seen through Pickles games and he had told me that on my day off Pickle was telling the new workers a load of lies about me and saying I'm a horrible person and to help me get fired.
So now everyone started to hate Pickle because he was always lying and being negative.
He started feeling depressed and I thought ok I will not be like him and I shall pick him up.
I tried my best to become friends with him, every time I had had a laugh or a chat with the staff I would involve Pickle and ask for Pickles opinions.
Got him laughing and managed to get a lot of deep conversations out of him.
On Christmas Eve I asked him what would he be doing and his response was just saying on his own watching DVD's because his family washed their hands of him so I suggested he come and stay with me and my family for Christmas as there will be enough space and enough food but he declined.
New years day he was still swearing about me so I asked him what's up dude I thought we were friends now? and he replied with I'm not your friend I never wanted to be your friend and I wished you did not work here.
I was like dude... after all I have tried to become your friend and help you and even offer you a space at our dinner table you do me like that?
So then I told him I wish you the best in your future then I started working for costa Coffee.
The truth of the matter is that some people you just cannot help.
Now lets move on to dealing with negative people
So Its no secret that negativity is all around us from people you work with, friends you have, people you meet, even with your family members and not to mention in yourself.
So before diving into how to deal with negative people lets first figure out how to deal with negativity in ourselves.
Now you might be thinking ha! I'm not negative! However I would suggest that you stop and really think about this.
There has been many of times where I have succumb to negative thinking and I'm sure most of you have too at one point in your life.
For example have you ever had thoughts like I hate my job, I never have any time in the day for me, I just cant do it, I am useless there is no point in trying, I don't feel well so I'm not going to do whatever I set myself a target for and much much more.
All of these excuses and negativity can be switched with positivity.
One of my resolutions was to do stuff that I don't like without complaint.
Like as an example I really dislike the cold weather but Through 2023 into 2024 I've been going out and training parkour and breakdancing on the coldest of days without complaint.
Practicing positivity is a lot easier said then done, first you need to figure out where this negativity comes from and what areas of your life is filled with negative, then you much retrain your mind to think of negative situations as positive.
Make good out of bad, so say you smash your iPhone and in this day and age our phones is like gold to us we cannot be without it or we think we cannot be without them.
So a typical situation of smashing an iPhone or any sort of phone with the negative attitude is like argh man! I cannot play this, or talk to this person or I cannot update my Facebook status my life is ruined!!
A positive response would be ah my phone is broke so now that gives me some extra time to do a, b, c and find new creative ways to earn more money.
Doing stuff like meditation and practicing gratitude will help with this.
Everyone is different and everyone has their own ways with dealing with negativity but be sure to document your process so if you ever fall back to negative ways you will know how to get yourself back.
Now how to deal with negative people
Well so now you have gained some information on how to get yourself out of negative thinking you will have a better chance of helping others do the same.
Remember though that not everyone will admit to being negative so the best way is to figure out when their mood drops and how they act in situations and try to speak with them and see if anything is troubling them.
Learning the skill of empathy is also a great skill to have because this will give you a greater insight to what the person is feeling and you could think ok so how would I tackle this situation or these feelings, what worked for me?
